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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870356">The Uncertainties of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodicNoise/pseuds/MelodicNoise'>MelodicNoise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, i promise its not actually that angsty, slight miscommunication</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:13:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodicNoise/pseuds/MelodicNoise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, there's no guarantee.There's never a guarentee when it comes to love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Uncertainties of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnyongclub/gifts">johnyongclub</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy belated birthday kak <a href="https://twitter.com/johnyongclub">mada</a>!! I love you a whole lot and you know that but I will make sure to remind u as much as possible &lt;3  Originally this was going to be done for your actual bday but life got in the way so its being posted now but I hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why don't you tell him, Yongie? It's been two years," Doyoung tilts his head when he asks the question. Taeyong hates when Doyoung asks questions this way—it's like a soft interrogation. Doyoung’s eyes are wide and expecting. There's no judgement, but Taeyong knows he can't lie to his best friend.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't know. I just feel like he doesn't like me the same way I like him, you know," Taeyong mumbles as Doyoung barks out a laugh before quickly covering his own mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Taeyong already knows Doyoung thinks that Johnny likes him back. In fact, Doyoung has a whole list of all the reasons that Johnny reciprocates his feelings. The thing is, there's no guarantee. There's never a guarantee when it comes to love. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>Taeyong met Johnny in his first year when they were paired for a project. If Taeyong is being honest, Johnny really did most of the work. Taeyong is in animal sciences and he only took Psychology 101 to fulfill his degree requirement of a non-science class so he was out of his depth and struggled a bit with the material—especially in comparison to Johnny, who is majoring in psychology and has so much passion towards his field of study. That’s not to say that he was a dead weight though, he tried his best, as he always hated when group project partners were unwilling to put effort in. </p><p> </p><p>Anyways, Johnny had passionately helped teach Taeyong all the parts that confused him and the project went quite smoothly. Fortunately, for the both of them, despite Taeyong’s struggle the two of them got along amazingly well, the project made them spend lots of time together and they had each other's numbers as well. At first they only texted each other for the project sometimes accidentally getting carried away and anecdotes slipping into the conversations. To be honest, it was mostly Taeyong getting ahead of himself and oversharing, but Johnny always handled the new topics with ease, never getting weirded out or letting Taeyong feel awkward. Basically they clicked really fucking well and Taeyong also fell instantaneously. </p><p> </p><p>Since then, they have become a lot closer, they hang out and study together a couple times a week and they have regular ‘friend-date-something’ that Doyoung insists are a ploy. Which Taeyong laughs at because, technically, he’s right. Except, instead of Johnny setting up the dates the way Doyoung thinks, Taeyong actually suggested it around a year ago during a drunken burst of confidence. He is never going to tell Doyoung that though, otherwise he would never hear the end of it. If Taeyong is being honest, he doesn't really remember asking Johnny, all he has as proof are the text messages from that night after he got home from a party (which are mostly incoherent on his end). Johnny’s message reads back ‘we can go over the details of our little date when you're sober lol’. It’s a fond memory and Taeyong has the screenshot of it saved in his phone. </p><p> </p><p>Taeyong would be lying if he said he isn’t completely head over heels whipped for Johnny. Everyone in their friend group seems to realize it too, with the exception of the person in question. Doyoung says that Johnny is being purposefully ignorant to it, that there is no way he doesn't realize. Taeyong thinks Johnny is just dense when it comes to things like that. Nonetheless, he continues to push down his feelings and ignore the sound of his heart in his ears everytime Johnny is near.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Their entire friend group is sitting at a table, all of them in various states of frustration and exhaustion. Finals are right around the corner and they all vowed to study together on the last friday of reading week, group solidarity to keep each other accountable and actually get their work done. The price being a night of partying. </p><p> </p><p>“Announcement to all students, the library is now closed. Please leave the building.”</p><p> </p><p> The bored pre-recorded voice of the librarian drones over the intercom and the boys begin to pack up all their stuff. Taeyong looks up at where Johnny is sitting across from him. Johnny is already looking at him, and when their eyes meet, he smiles. Like diving off a cliff, Taeyong’s body feels light, and his heart speeds up as he quickly looks away and busies himself, shoving his stuff into his backpack. </p><p> </p><p>They exit the building and are about to split up into different cars so they can go back to their dorms and change. Taeyong, Doyoung and Jungwoo in one car and Johnny Yuta and Mark in the other. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Woo would you mind if I drive Taeyong and Doyoung? I don’t need to go home, plus you live closer to Yuta and Mark anyways.” Johnny suddenly speaks up. Taeyong thinks for a second and, yeah, it makes sense, especially if Johnny doesn't need to go home anyways. Taeyong notices Mark and Yuta giggle and Jungwoo fixes Taeyong with a questioning look but ultimately agrees.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong sits in the front next to Johnny and Doyoung slides into the back seat next to the older two’s bags. Taeyong tries to subtly watch Johnny out of the corner of his eye. Johnny’s obviously really attractive but something about watching him drive just hits differently, no matter how many times he's been in this exact position. </p><p> </p><p>The drive to Taeyong and Doyoung’s place is a short one and all three of them go up to their room to put away their bags and change quickly. When they get up to their room Doyoung changes quickly and is done almost immediately. Taeyong on the other hand didn't plan as far ahead as Doyoung and he had no idea what to wear. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Johnny would you mind waiting in the car? I need to talk to Yong really quick,” Doyoung says over his shoulder. There's a flash of something in Johnny's eyes but it's gone too quickly for Taeyong to identify. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure, no problem!”</p><p> </p><p>The second the door closes behind him Doyoung is rooting through his closet.</p><p> </p><p>“I am tired, I’m tired and you're desperate. I’m going to get you your man.” Doyoung says it with absolute certainty and Taeyong feels like he’s gonna throw up, or cry, or scream, or all three at once. He’s unsure but Doyoung is shoving clothes at him and he doesn't have any other option. </p><p> </p><p>“Take a shot, put on some makeup and pussy up, ‘cause if you don’t come out of this night with at the very least a good fuck, I’m going to disown you. I’m going to go stall Johnny. Get it together, you got this! You’re hot or whatever.” Doyoung gives a very doyoung-like pep talk, and then proceeds to walk out the door. Well, what’s the worst that can happen? Taeyong thinks as he sorts through the pile of clothes and pulls out a loose white shirt.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Turns out the worst that can happen is Johnny basically avoiding him. When Taeyong gets in the car Doyoung lets out a whistle and Johnny looks at him briefly but says nothing beyond a simple “You look nice”. This is not how Taeyong expected this to go. Honestly, Doyoung’s little pep talk gave him a really good boost of confidence, but it fizzled out the minute he saw Johnny’s reaction. </p><p> </p><p>Taeyong knows he is attractive and doesn't have problems when it comes to his appearance, but he does care a lot about what Johnny thinks and this outfit of tight pants and loose, basically-see-through white shirt are not what Taeyong normally wears. In fact, he’s pretty sure that the top is Doyoung’s from the way it sits a bit large on his narrow shoulders. He even did his makeup a little more dramatic, hoping it would give him the allure and the boost of confidence for what he plans to do.. </p><p> </p><p>When they arrive at the bar, Johnny still hasn’t said much and when they meet up with the others. His friends (who had blown up the group chat asking where the fuck they were) all take one look at Taeyong and determine that he’s the reason that their group is late. They also all notice his shirt, they seem a bit confused before their looks of confusion turn into badly concealed leers. Doyoung starts to push the others in through the doors before they start asking questions. </p><p> </p><p>They got to the bar at around 11pm and it was already extremely hot and extremely loud. Johnny still wasn’t paying him any attention and Taeyong is trying his best to figure out what's going on with him; but after the 4th somewhat dry response to his questions he decided he was over it. Taeyong huffs as he stands at the end of the bar and yells over the music for a bottle of peach soju. The minute it's in his hand he downs half of it and then pours a few shots for his friends; well, that's why he poured them but as he looks around he realizes that he got separated from the rest of them. </p><p> </p><p>In the corner of his eye he sees Jungwoo leaving the bathroom so Taeyong walks over, careful not to spill any alcohol from the shot glasses. </p><p> </p><p>“Woo!! Have you seen Doie?” Taeyong beams </p><p> </p><p>“No. Um, Yongie, we've only been here for 20 minutes are you good? Do you need water?” he says while looking around.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! There’s Johnny! Why don’t you go wait with him?” Jungwoo suggests. Taeyong huffs causing the younger to jump a bit and look at him with an obvious question in his expression. </p><p> </p><p>“Johnny’s ignoring me! IGNORING ME!! Can you believe it? With how hot I look tonight?” Taeyong all but whines. Junwoo’s forehead creases as his expression becomes even more confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Weren’t you trying to make him jealous? I’m not following.” </p><p> </p><p>“Jealous? How would I make him jealous? I don't even think he would get jealous if I tried, Woo,” Taeyong’s face mirrors Jungwoo’s as he rolls his eyes slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’re wearing Doie’s shirt right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I still don’t get why that would make him jealous? I don’t think he likes me like that, Woo. Yeah I was trying to seduce him but I don’t think he would get jealous.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yongie, you don’t see how he looks at you when you’re not paying attention. We all see it besides you.” Taeyong scoffs at Jungwoos words but at the same time he’s also been listening to Doyoung talk about how Johnny is whipped for him for the last year and a half. As much as he denies it, there is a small part of him (the drunk part of him mostly) that feels like it just might be true. Taeyong looks up at Jungwoo and hands him one of the shots. They both throw their heads back, swallowing the sweet liquid. Jungwoo laughs softly as he takes the shot glass from Taeyongs hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Go get ‘em, tiger”, Jungwoo says and Taeyong makes a growling noise then laughs as he turns toward Johnny.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong is pretty drunk, that is, he’s pretty and he’s drunk, which means he has all the confidence in the world. He walks over to where Johnny is and says the first thing he can think of. His talk with Jungwoo had given him some ideas.</p><p> </p><p>“Where's Doie?” Taeyong asks, and he relishes in the way Johnny tenses just slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, just couldn't find him. I ran into Jungwoo but he didn’t know either,” Taeyong pushes a little farther on the topic of Doyoung, he knows the chances of Johnny doing something are low, but he wants to see how accurate Jungwoo’s words are. Taeyong hears Johnny mumble something under his breath that he doesn't quite catch, only a soft whisper. The rest is drowned out by the blasting music and voices in the background. Johnny speaks a little louder now and Taeyong hears him loud and clear.</p><p> </p><p>“He went to the dance floor with Yuta and Mark,” Johnny’s gaze is unwavering and Taeyong knows that there’s no way this is going any further, Johnny has put up walls. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it’s his fault, he poked and prodded at the jealousy, but instead, it made Johnny colder. Taeyong’s eyes well up a bit as he spots his friends on the dance floor. </p><p> </p><p>“Yongie wha- HEY!” Doyoung yells as Taeyong takes his bottle and downs it all like a man dying of thirst. Doyoung and Yuta look at each other with concern while Mark tries to force Taeyoung to let go of the bottle. Eventually, Taeyong relinquishes the soju bottle to Mark but immediately, he is dragging in random people nearby to dance with him. </p><p> </p><p>By now, Taeyong is five bottles in and he is pretty sure there is not a single thing that could make this night better or worse. He is dancing with cute people, who aren’t Johnny, while he watches Johnny chat with Jungwoo and some random pretty girl. Occasionally, Johnny will look over and their eyes will meet and Taeyong feels that rush of adrenaline that happens whenever Johnny is near, but now there is a tangible undercurrent of something uncomfortable beneath his skin. Taeyong decides to ignore it. He pushes down all those feelings and decides to put his arms on the shoulders of whoever he has been dancing with. He can't remember their name but he opens his body up for them to put their hands on his waist. </p><p> </p><p>Taeyong lets himself go. The heat, the ponding base, the feeling of fingers grazing his side, he lets it all wash over him and lull him into a space of calmness, despite all the chaos. Suddenly, someone wraps a hand around his wrist tightly, and the serenity drops around him. He feels a bit disoriented as he gets pulled away from the person he was dancing with, their face is just as confused as he feels. Taeyong looks at the hand that’s dragging him up the stairs, into the cool August air and sees Johnny’s figure. From the back he can't read his expression, but the grip on his wrist is enough to tell him that the tall man is not happy with him. </p><p> </p><p>When they exit the building Taeyong rips his hand away and glares at Johnny’s back. Taeyong isn’t stupid, he knows what this is about, but he still has no right to do this. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, John?” Taeyong snaps. Johnny still hasn’t turned around and Taeyong figures it’s to compose himself but when Johnny finally faces him, the look in his eyes is complicated. There is anger and sadness, frustration and dejection all mixing together to create an ugly, unyielding jealousy. Taeyong recognizes it so well because he has felt it himself a million times. He knows how unreasonable it is and yet he still feels annoyed that Johnny has the gall to act like this when he’s been ignoring Taeyong the whole night. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me”, Johnny says softly. The confidence and conviction that Taeyong is used to seeing him sport is nowhere to be seen and Taeyong feels his skin crawl as he watches Johnny’s anger fizzle out.</p><p> </p><p>“No. Explain. Tell me what that was because you dragged me away from that poor person and my friends and out into the cold. So give me a proper explanation ‘cause I'm not having it.” Taeyong pauses to take a deep breath, the chilly air freezing his lungs. </p><p> </p><p>Johnny opens his mouth and then closes it, he’s thinking but Taeyong is stuck in his own head and is ranting. The alcohol enables him to say everything he wants to say without worrying about the repercussions. </p><p> </p><p> “You were the one who decided to ignore me and give me the cold shoulder all night. You were the one who was treating me like shit. Jesus, you don’t even treat people you dislike the way you treated me this evening so give me a fucking explanation.” Taeyongs voice cracks at the end of his sentence and he coughs a bit as tears well up in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You know how I feel. You’re not that fucking dense. I know you’re not. I told myself you were so I wouldn’t have to confront this, confront the fact you don’t feel the same. But since we have come to this, please explain to me why you're playing this game,” the tears fall as Taeyong speaks and he distantly feels embarrassment and shame for future Taeyong who is going to regret this in the morning.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Taeyong can feel the waves of frustration rolling off of Johnny and when he looks up at him with tear-filled eyes he sees Johnny’s blurry figure moving towards him.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know everything.” Johnny almost yells as he invades his space. Taeyong brings his arm up to rub at his eyes, and looks up at Johnny.</p><p> </p><p>“You say I’m the one playing games but you’ve been giving me mixed signals for the last year and a half.” Taeyong furrows his eyebrows at Johnny’s words and Johnny scoffs at his expression, it sounds harsh and piercing to Taeyong’s ears, even a bit mocking. </p><p> </p><p>“Some days it feels like you’re hopelessly in love with me and follow my every move, I feel your eyes on me at every turn. But then other times, you put up these walls and push me away.” Johnny laughs bitterly as he talks but Taeyong knows him. Knows that this is a defense for how hurt Johnny feels. </p><p> </p><p>“Then there's these instances where you lead me on to the point where it’s almost cruel. Do you know how much it hurts to be asked out by the one person you like and have them turn around the next day and basically say it was a joke and that we’re friends? Do you know how much my heart broke?” </p><p> </p><p>“When did that happen?” Taeyong says, the aggression bleeding from his voice and leaving only uncertainty.</p><p> </p><p>"That party in first year, remember? I was sitting on the couch when you came over and sat on my lap and basically clung to me all night. You didn’t seem that drunk but you asked me out on a date and I texted you about it. And then when you responded in the morning you called it a friend-date.” Taeyong blanks for a second and then it clicks and he realizes exactly where he went wrong. </p><p> </p><p>Taeyong groans and crouches down, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. He remembers exactly what Johnny is talking about and just how fucking stupid he is. Johnny’s text which was a fond memory of friendship transforms into a beacon of his stupidity and a missed opportunity. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Johnny is looking down at him with furrowed brows and Taeyong looks around to notice that the people smoking outside have watched their whole exchange. </p><p> </p><p>“Um, I can explain. Can we go somewhere else?” Taeyong realizes suddenly how cold he is, the thin shirt doing nothing to stave off the damp cool of autumn. Johnny looks over Taeyong, and runs a hand through his hair and nods curtly. </p><p> </p><p>The two men send off a few quick texts to their friends as they get into Johnny’s car. Both of them obered up quickly with the confrontation, (though Johnny only had one drink in the first place). Johnny starts up the car while Taeyong attempts to ground himself, focusing in on the slight rumble of the engine to ignore the stifling atmosphere. It feels like someone is sitting on his chest forcing the oxygen out of his lungs. In the corner of his eye he can see Johnny turn to look at him, only to turn away with a sigh and pull out of the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>“So...” Taeyong breathes out softly. He doesn’t dare look up at Johnny and instead stares at his fingers interlaced in his lap. </p><p> </p><p>“Basically, when I told you I remembered everything about that night I lied. I felt like it might make me look stupid cause that was back when we hadn’t been friends for that long. Turns out that saying that just caused problems,” Taeyong admits with a bitter laugh. He feels like a fool now, realizing that this could have all been avoided if he didn’t try to seem cool and assume things.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I was being presumptuous to assume it was a date-date, which is how the whole ‘friend-date’ thing happened. I genuinely didn’t think you would ever like me back.” </p><p> </p><p>They stop at a red light and Taeyong hears Johnny sigh and a thump sound. When Taeyong musters up the courage to look at Johnny his head is resting against the steering wheel. Johnny looks up and resumes driving but says nothing. The dread settles heavy in Taeyongs stomach like a rock that's dragging him down beneath a suffocating wave. He doesn’t know if he should explain anything else, what else there is to explain. </p><p> </p><p>They pull into the parking lot of Taeyong’s dorm. Johnny turns off the car and  finally he speaks. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re stupid huh?” Johnny says.</p><p> </p><p>“We spent the last two years running circles of uncertainty around each other when this all could have been avoided if one of us wasn’t a coward,” Johnny says, turning his body in his seat to face Taeyong. Taeyong mirrors his movement but doesn't actually make eye contact, opting to continue staring at his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sorry for fucking this up. We could have been a couple, been happy with each other but I kinda dropped the ball on that one huh?” Taeyong says as he wills the tears in his eyes not to fall.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s to say we still can’t?” Johnny says after a beat of silence. Taeyong’s head snaps up and Johnny is looking at him. It’s an expression Taeyong has seen many times before, the complicated sadness, hope and adoration concealed in a soft smile. Johnny reaches forward and brushes his fingers against Taeyong’s interlaced fingers, he relaxes and lets Johnny entwine their fingers. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Johnny? Do you want to go on a date with me?” Taeyong’s voice shakes as he asks the question.</p><p> </p><p>“I would love to.” Johnny whispers as he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to Taeyong’s forehead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/cynosureyong">Twitter</a>        <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/cynosureyong">CC</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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